Once upon a time, there was an infamous section in this blog called "little black book"...and not so long ago, I used to talk about my ex-boyfriend, Jonathan, and our redundant on and off relationship every day...why do I not talk about them anymore? Maybe because I've been dating a lot in the past year but not even one developed into a more serious relationship, or even close.
There are many that I don't even remember anymore, but there are some that kind of made a little impact on me...enough for me to write about them. Today, I just feel like talking about them. Because I miss talking about relationships openly and without filtering...and this blog doesn't feel complete without them, right?
This blog post will be divided into several parts. I will start with the most recent. Actually, let's start with Jonathan. My ex-boyfriend, Jonathan, do you all remember him?
Jonathan and I were still friends after we broke up more than a year ago, and we would sometimes go for breakfast on Saturdays...but even our friendship was on and off. He was still hoping that one day, I will get back with him, but I clearly know there is no chance at all. There isn't even one percentage of hesitation.
I went for a bike ride with him this summer, and I went to his place to borrow his bike. His apartment haven't changed at all. It still smells the same, looks the same, feels the same...just like him. This guy haven't changed. I don't see any improvements in him. I can't see myself hanging out with him in this little apartment like we used to. I can't! It will never happen again, without doubt.
...but I'm not going to lie about the fact that I do wonder when am I going to find someone who knows me so well, who I get along with, and with who things are simply going to be right and effortless...just like it was with Jonathan.
As soon as he crosses the line, I would remind him that I will never ever get back with him...and he would be sad, disappointed and disappear for a while...and then reappear again. It gives me an instant headache every time he tells me he wants me back. Why do I have to deal with this? His sudden disappearance, his reoccurring appearance, his selfish and inappropriate comments...
Sometimes, I feel like it's keeping me from moving forward...
Two weeks ago, it was his birthday. We were supposed to go kayaking, but the weather was not so great so we cancelled. I also mentioned to him that I had a date that day. I think I called him the day after and he didn't answer my calls and texts. He pulled the disappearing act again! This time, I'm not going to let him reappear so easily. This is enough, and enough is enough! I blocked him on my cellphone and on facebook, so he can't contact me anymore.
I want to be a good person and be there for him as a friend, but it is such a torture...and it's not healthy for me, nor is it for him. Sometimes, he says sexual things that really make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to hear any of his bullshit. I just want to be selfish and think about myself...I don't want to deal with him anymore.
That was my little story about the ex-boyfriend and that's how it all ended. I just feel so much better now that he doesn't exist anymore.