Saturday, 18 April 2015

It's as unexpected as finding car keys that I thought were lost months ago, as mundane as finding a 5 dollar bill on the floor, as silly as finding a parking spot when it's busy, as simple as having breakfast with friends on a Saturday morning and as unpretentious as a rainbow in the sky. Today isn't any special day, but it's my birthday...just feeling like life is smiling at me today :)

I miss tax season

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

It's tax season, but I'm not doing taxes anymore.

...not sure why I miss those days working until late hours with my team, getting on each other's nerves, telling pathetic jokes in an attempt to make each other laugh, our trips to Starbucks, eating ordered pizza in an empty dining room, looking out the window from one of the tallest skyscrapers in busy Montreal on a cold evening.

It is one of the reasons why I've quit...but those might also be among the many moments I miss most.


Thursday, 2 April 2015

I've been wanting to do this little mountain for a while. I heard plenty of good things about it. Although it is not one of the highest peaks in the Adirondacks, it offers some great views. I finally decided to go because it's winter and I don't want to climb anything too steep, so I figured it's the perfect timing.

I must say that I never had so much fun going down a mountain...we almost slid all the way down, haha. It could have been dangerous hitting a tree or a rock, but we managed to get out of this alive. I love winter hiking!

Oh, and the gorgeous mountain in the background is Giant, which I've hiked solo last summer. I plan on hiking it again this summer!


One might believe he has the power to master delete people from his past, and whether this is a fight for clarity, a desperate need for a true disconnect, or a defense mechanism to protect emotion; the more one tries, the more one fails. On might have a strong will, but will never be the master of his heart.

I'm quite surprised because I know this is a sign that he cared. He's forced the ending to recognize where he stands, because he despises uncertainty. I used to think I was crazy, and I was the only one going through this...but now I know there are two of us. A man, with the good principles, dealing with a flame of madness within by behaving crazily normal, so he can go on with his good life.

I used to believe in endings as well. I guess we've all been taught as kids that stories have endings. I forced decisions; I forced situations, I forced others into a situation that benefited me. I liked to categorize and define everything I knew, because of insecurities. Life sent me signals that I couldn't read...and even as of today, I still can't recognize them...I’m slowly learning.

I don't believe in endings anymore. I will never be comfortable in uncertainty, and not knowing where I stand, but that's life, and being able to accept this is a step closer to happiness. I will always want to know, but I'm okay with not having the answer now...because I don't need to know the ending but just to know that we're all still in a race is enough.

Sunday snowshoeing

Monday, 9 March 2015

I haven't been outdoors in a while, because I actually came back from India with a fractured rib and that takes months to heal. The pain has been less intense this week, so I decided to finally go out. The story of how I ended up with a fractured rib sounds laughable, but it's due to violent coughing during the month that I was sick. Crazy, right?

Since the weather got slightly warmer, I went for some snowshoeing fun with friends. I had an awesome day full of laughter, and I hope there will be more of these moments this year :)


Tuesday, 17 February 2015

The things you hate having done to you is somehow what you end up doing to others. The person you hate the most is somehow a reflection of yourself. Just when you let go, it all comes back to you.

I used to think that life is full of irony…but then I realized that as humans, we tend to see patterns and connections everywhere. Incongruous events are seen as ironic, and congruous ones are seen as fated. The ones that are neither completely congruous nor incongruous are either forgotten or unnoticed.

Is life actually filled of irony, or are humans just pathetic to extrapolate the importance and meanings of our lives?

Goodbye auditing

Saturday, 14 February 2015

I'm the oldest child in my family and I've always felt pressure to graduate fast, to be successful in my career rapidly...so that my parents wouldn't have to work so hard anymore. The problem is...I wasn't smart at school. All my life, I've felt like I needed to work much harder than other people just to reach the same level. I've felt like I needed to ask questions a certain way, to get answers...use some kind of tactics to reach my goals...and because of that, I've never really had a stable career.

I chose auditing because I wanted to work in various industries, to know about them inside out, and to learn and much as I could in the shortest amount of time possible. When I first started working in public practice, I used to hate interacting with clients, especially confronting them, which can happen quite often. I wasn't very confident because I didn't know what I was doing half of the time...which caused me to ask irrelevant questions sometimes, to look quite confused maybe. It required me to step out of my comfort zone on a daily basis.

However, after a few years of practicing, I've become better at it, gained some confidence and I've come to love the social life associated with it. I like meeting clients now, I look forward to working with them, learning about their businesses, and sometimes confronting them too. I'm definitely not an expert at what I do, but I've seen quite a lot by working in various industries and people of different levels in the organisations.

Nonetheless, I can't change the fact that I am an introvert and it drains me so much that I sleep my weekends away sometimes. I've asked myself...is this a life that I want to live? Of course I want to climb higher in the corporate ladder, but at what cost? The day I get there, I will have realized that I've wasted years slaving my life away. I guess I'm looking for some middle ground, and a better balance? I would like to use the knowledge I've gained to do something more useful, and to invest my energy somewhere that would match my personality a little bit better.

...and I can't deny the fact that I'm stressed about running into him at work. Every morning, I pray that I will not get into the same elevator as him. When I go to the washroom, I hope that he will not be in the hallway. We haven't seen into each other in months...but even knowing that there are chances that I run into him makes it difficult. Of course, it doesn't mean I regret what I've done...because I know that if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have done anything differently.

All this to say that...I've quit auditing!
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