Sunshines of untouchable memories

Monday, 29 November 2010

Perhaps In the midst of hazardous events mixed in the air, our paths mistakenly converged on a mysterious fantasy land that neither has a future nor a past. Despite the brevity of our escape, our wander on this land was vivid and heart-touching. I can still feel the warmth of sunshines resting on my face. Although those are sunshines of untouchable memories, the sound of his music remained in the real world where our paths diverge. The sound of his piano is deep, sometimes awkward, but so genuine and beautiful. It chases away clouds of angst as the day falls...

Day off with Yulia

Thursday, 25 November 2010

...I haven't stepped out of my room in a while and missed a whole week of school. And I must say it's actually refreshing to put my nose outside and breathe some fresh air once in a while...duh! One thing I've been enjoying lately is simply running and walking. I put on these headphones and just meditate on how good it feels while I’m in the process of it. It makes everything, including the smaller things, appear interesting. The cars driving by, the scenery changing, the music changing in my ears — it’s quite awesome.

The far away one

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

as you sleep, and no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you
soon I'll be leaving you
but you won't be leaving me

-something corporate

...forever and find real peace.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Unlike the majority, I don't have any extraordinary ambitions. I'm more simple; I just want to be average and happy…because being unique and different makes me lonely and misunderstood.

There are times I can't get out of bed and so, I stay there in the dark for days where I can escape the torment of different thoughts. I was used to think that I were happy and that I don't care about anybody. I'm ahead of everyone, I have a pretty face and I receive all the attention I want...but that's all superficial. None of those can hide how untrusting, mad, disgusting and unfaithful I am. I'm ashamed. It's not easy to admit.

How can I still believe that I’m not the bad one when all those scornful fingers only keep pointing at me? Why doesn't anyone help me? Why am I being blamed for? Everyone expects something from me; they want all of me. There isn't much left for myself anymore.

Just as I think I've moved on and can live just fine and have fun, those evils come back to haunt me again and always. The same story keeps repeating itself in my life. Its predictability is scary. That loneliness that became blindingly safe is scary. That aching void that created the illusion that I am at peace is scary. I don’t have power to deal with those fears any longer.

The more I grow, the least I recognize myself. The dullness of this suppressed grief have consumed my existence. I can't remember the origin of that long silence…the origin from which I run. I don't want to remember...

I just want to disappear forever.
...find real peace.

Clearly in love with myself at 14 years old...

Friday, 5 November 2010

...but the monster began here.

aliens from outer space abducted me one day
destroyed my bond of trust with humanity
brought me beyond the point of no return
an event horizon that none can escape

my mind grew deformed gradually
day by day night by night
a pattern that followed me into adulthood
am I a little strange now?

forever lost in the hope of a hypothetical passage
legendary entrance to a parallel universe
a farther region of space and time
perhaps in a happier future

You'll never figure out

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

I come from a distant region without absolute space and absolute time. It's a place where no glances from your reality can cross the event horizon that shields the infinite density of my world. Trying to grasp the depths and singularity of my mind? Never.
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