What will happen to us

Saturday, 25 February 2012

"What will happen when we meet again?"

"We will take a walk on Mont-Royal."

"...and what about the days after?"

"I don't know..."





Your butt

"You know what I miss the most about you? Your butt. I want to use them as my pillows, but you fart too much..."

February 24th, 2012

Take me out

On March 7th of 2011, I asked you when were you going to take me out. You said you would not take me out in the classic sense of the expression, so I started ignoring you. "Are you going to give me the cold shoulder?" you asked me a few days later. "That's very exact", I said.


"I think you're still codependent."

"I'm not and I don't know why you say that. Have you ever thought that maybe you do things that make me feel uncertain about us?...If I automatically think that you're cheating when you're not answering my calls, there's a reason. You never tell me anything, instead you go on facebook to talk about us to your ex-girlfriends. You avoid my questions and when you finally decide to tell me what's going on, it's too late. You cannot expect me to trust you if you're going to act like that..."

"Was it my fault? I think it was my fault...the letters you wrote really hit me hard. Maybe I do have commitment problems..."

"I should've been more calm and patient too..."

February 24th, 2012


Thursday, 23 February 2012

April 9th, 2011: It was the first Saturday we spent together. This picture was taken at the old port. It seemed like the weather was warm enough to have brunch outside. I remember carefully examining his face...I didn't think he was handsome, ha. He was wearing the same shirt, same scarf and same coat as the first time we met...he doesn't spend money on clothes :)


Somewhere in April 2011: This was a print screen during a skype conversation. It was a Sunday. I was with my own thoughts and isolated. At that moment, I saw someone who was trying to help me, but I was not able to open up. I saw someone who cared about me; he was desperately trying to understand...but I left him out.


Sometime in April: This is his favorite bottle of wine and it was the first time I ate something he cooked; the only thing is ever cooked actually...the awesome pasta sauce. It was right after I cried on his chest, and I felt he took us more seriously from that point on. He told me that he was trying to loose his beer belly that summer and that I would see if I stayed.


April 24th, 2011: This picture was taken at a Vietnamese restaurant in downtown. He was so fat that he almost couldn't button up his shirt :)


April 27th, 2011: This picture was taken at Jonathan's work. I can tell he was trying to show me his ambition.


April 30th, 2011: Grabbing a beer at the old port


July 2nd, 2011: He has such a funny face on that picture; it makes me laugh when I look at it. That was the morning after I invited Jonathan to sleep over at my place when my parents were in Toronto. He smelled so bad that I had to shower him before I allowed him to sleep on my bed...boys don't know how to shower, I tell ya. The morning after, I kept screaming at him because he hugged me while I was still sleeping and it woke me up. I was so inconsiderate...


August 12th, 2011: This must be my favorite picture of him. It was taken at Trois Brasseurs. I just love the way he's staring at me on this picture.


August 20th, 2011: We went to that breakfast place near his place quite often. I miss his smile on this picture.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

"I'm reading our first skype messages," he says.

"I admire your ambition..." he reads. "Do you know what you answered? You said you were not; you wanted to get married young and have children."

"...You also said that you sometimes feel like a man; the way you go about guys and in general...do you remember this? I asked you why and you said you have bad habits" he continues...."Don't do that anymore, Elaine."

"Do I sound cheerful? I'm trying to..."

...I remember every word.

Valentine's day

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Day 55

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Bad time

Friday, 10 February 2012

I'm having a really bad time in general. I've never been so drained...I only have bad news.

1-I finally went to see a physiotherapist for my chronic lumbosciatic pain, and I was told 2 things. First, I have a slight scoliosis and second, my left leg is 1.5 centimeter longer than my right leg...which I already knew.

2-Now I have to go see a orthopedist so he can make an insole for my right shoe...and I'm not sure how this can be done since I have so many shoes. Gosh, what I just said is probably ignorant, ha.

3-I have to go to the states for my third exam in two weeks and I'm not ready at all. I haven't been able to study because of my back pain, but I'm still going to write it since it's too late to cancel now.

4-I'm not getting along with some coworkers, and I'm not getting into details for obvious reasons.

5-Jonathan...I don't call him anymore. The other day, he didn't answer my calls and I seriously thought that he died, no jokes. I cried all night. The next morning, he called me telling me that he was in a car accident when I called... and I just don't want to worry about this anymore, maybe I'm not emotionally strong enough but this is just not a good time for all the above reasons. I'd rather not know.

What a life...

The only good news is probably that I will be 1.5 centimeter taller after getting the insole.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Sometimes, people who don't know what they need are more scary than people who don't know what they want...
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