I can repair a toilet

Thursday, 28 February 2013

Dad: Do you need my help to assemble your new desk?
Me: Nah...I know how to assemble a desk.
Mom: Of course she doesn't, she can even repair a toilet.
Me: What is so funny? It's a fact.

Ouch, my nails, my back and my hands :(

Using the future to escape the present

Monday, 25 February 2013

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present." - John Green

Where two oceans meet

Sunday, 24 February 2013

There's this place in the gulf of Alaska where two oceans meet but do not mix.

These two bodies of water are unable to mix or transgress this invisible barrier due to differences in their salinity, density and temperature. Isn't this kind of romantic in some sense? So peaceful, yet unsettling...

A moment of madness

Saturday, 23 February 2013

These days, my thoughts are constellations I cannot fathom. My life feels discontinued. My mind becomes more diffuse, and I lost the connection between the two ends. Where you invested time, you invested life...but what is important now, I ask myself. Nothing is. How would I feel about making a decision that could impact everything? Very easy. Sometimes, you need a moment of madness to create a future.

I read a short story the other day; it felt as if it was written for me. It's the answer I've been waiting for so long. It's what I wanted to know, even half way around the world. He knows, is the answer. What matters now, is maybe some lines of a banal conversation. "When you will be ninety, I will be eighty-five...but how will I recognize you behind all your wrinkles?...Wear that hat and I will." I start to understand that life can be filled with regrets, but it's not so much of a terrifying idea.

Life is so strange.


Saturday, 16 February 2013

...because today is the oldest I’ve ever been… and the youngest I’ll ever be again, by unknown.

...and because I rarely look like this anymore.


Monday, 4 February 2013

Well, I just paid for the CFE study materials, and I hope to pass the exams by end of May so I can have a good summer.

Please, pray for me.

Same issue, again and again

Saturday, 2 February 2013

I didn't think that I would say that but I told him I wanted to break up. I feel so strangled. I really don’t know why I have to put up with this.

We haven’t seen each other in 2 weeks, because he just can’t stick to plans. We never do anything together even when we actually meet, other than lying on the couch and watching TV. I try to motivate him to do something else, but he always have an excuse. We were supposed to meet this Friday, but when I called him, he said that he is tired from work and it would be better that we see each other on Saturday instead, even if he will have some work to do.

Today, it’s Saturday. I called him at eleven, and he was still in bed. At noon, he was still in bed. At one, he called me and told me he just woke up. At two, he called me saying that he's sorry he woke up so late, but it’s better that we see each other on Sunday instead, and he's so nice that he will cancel on his friends even if it’s the super bowl. I said I don’t want to see him on Sunday and he’s not doing me a favour to cancel on his friends, and I can’t deal with this anymore.

Do I have reason to get mad because I set aside time for him just so he can cancel on me, and he expects me to be involved in the new ones that he might cancel again? That’s just plain selfish and inconsiderate. I understand that occasional change of plan happens, and I understand that some people have time management issues, but this went beyond. His excuses are either that he is too tired, or overslept or there’s something on TV that he would like to watch. Sometimes, he would even confirm with his friends without telling me first.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm overreacting, or is this a legitimate concern? Should I continue to tolerate this? Maybe it’s just a detail, and it might not be the end of the world, but I'm really upset at this. Is it understandable? What I'm asking for is simply common courtesy and respect, yet he goes on telling me that I'm codependent, that I need to find independence and that I act like a baby and need to grow up...he's the one who can’t act like an adult and stick to appointments, in relationships and work.

…but to him, common courtesy is telling me two hours in advance that he cannot show up. Do you know what happens if I were to tell the chiro I can’t show up two hours in advance? He charges me an extra 25$ next time I go, and the logic is simple enough that I don’t need to explain that. Why do I need to explain this simple logic to someone like him then? It’s something that everyone should understand, right?

I tell him he has to tell me in advance because my mom cooks and I need to tell her in advance if I don’t eat at home. He was like, just cook yourself so you don’t need to depend on your mom...Well, sorry that I didn't grow up in a white family where everybody eats crap they cook for themselves separately. I'm so sorry I have such a good mom, and your's kicked you out.

I feel like, he's trying to convince me that it’s my fault. I'm a little uncertain about my decision, because we get along quite well except for that same issue. Am I expecting too much? Is it my fault that I can’t contain my frustration? I didn't get mad for no reason?!

Even if I'm the one talking about wanting to break up, he's the one doing it.

I found my heart upon a mountain...

Friday, 1 February 2013

"I found my heart upon a mountain I did not know I could climb, and I wonder how many other pieces of myself are secreted away in places I judge I cannot go."- Laurel Bleadon Maffei
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